Say Something
by nch01
Summary: Bella gets raped and ends up getting pregnant. How will she cope? What will she do? How will Edward and the Cullens react? Sorry for the bad summary.
1. Say something

"I hope you're hungry," Edward said as he sat his tray of food that he wouldn't be eating on the table.

"Starving," I said and quickly grabbed the poor excuse for a pizza and bit into it. It was greasy, it was disgusting, it was probably not even legal anywhere outside of the United States, but I loved it.

"Oh, Bella, Michael Kors is having a sale tomorrow, and you know what that means," Alice sang as she sat her tray of food that she wouldn't be eating in front of her and took a seat between Edward and Angela Weber.

"Alice, please don't drag me to Seattle," I whined.

"I'm not dragging you to Seattle, Bella," the little vampire pixie replied. I let out a sigh of relieve and opened my water bottle so I could wash down the pizza. "I'm dragging you to Port Angeles," she informed me. I felt Edward stiffen besides me, but I couldn't pay him any notice because I was too busy choking on my water.

"Bella!" Edward gasped panicked as I continued to cough to get the water out of my wind pipe. I felt someone pat my back to help me, and knew instantly that it wasn't my vampire boyfriend. By the look that Edward was giving the person that was currently saving my life, it could have only be one person: Mike Newton.

"Better?" He asked when I was finally able to breathe again.

"Yeah, thanks," I thanked him and took a cautious sip of my water. Mike smiled at me and began to pull the seat out next to me, but then quickly opted to sit across from me after the look Edward had given him.

"If he ever touches you again, I WILL kill him," he whispered to me. I couldn't help but roll my eyes. I liked it when Edward got all jealous and possessive, but sometimes it got to be annoying.

"Oh, Edward, he was helping me. That's what you do when someone's choking on water: you pat their back," I told him, but he of course knew this already. Not because he has lived for over 100 years or because his father was one of the best doctors in Forks, and most likely the whole State in Washington, but because Edward himself had been to medical school.

"Still doesn't justify it," he argued, making me roll my eyes at how childish he was acting. He may be over 109 in vampire years, 17 in human years, but he sometimes acted like a 7 year-old.

"So, Bella, what do you say?" Alice asked me.

"What do I say to what?" I asked her confused.

"To shopping!" She sang.

"You're going shopping?" Jessica Stanley asked as she sat down between Mike and Angela.

"Yes! Tomorrow in Port Angeles! It'll be great," she said and began to excitedly bounce in her chair. She had way too much energy for someone of her size.

"Oh, Bella, that reminds me. Could you come in for a shift tomorrow? I have to leave at four and I can't close early," he explained.

"Why do you have to leave early?" Edward asked him.

"I have things to do," Mike snapped at him before he turned back to me. "Please?" He begged me.

"No problem," I agreed smiling. I would be willing to do anything to get me out of shopping. I loved Alice like a sister, but she had way too much energy for a pixie and loved shopping way too much. "Sorry, Alice, I have to work," I said apolitically, but we both knew that I wasn't one bit sorry.

Alice narrowed her golden colored eyes at me before a huge smile appeared on her face that scared me. "No problem, Bella, we'll have a long time to go shopping together on Friday," she said happily. I groaned in annoyance and looked up at Edward with pleading eyes.

"Sorry, love, I can't help you. I'm going out hunting with Emmett and Jasper," he explained with a pained expression. I stuck out my bottom lip in a pout. It looked like I was going shopping on Friday, and not only that, but Edward would be away hunting. Just great. "Don't pout. I'll be back Sunday morning, maybe even Saturday evening," he whispered to me before he pressed his cold lips against mine.

-.-

"Are you sure that you don't want me to drive you? I really don't mind," Edward asked hopeful from the rocking chair in my room. My dad was called in on a last notice shift, which was the only reason Edward was in my room. Ever since I had gone to Italy with Alice to stop Edward from exposing himself in the sunlight and with that killing himself, Charlie hated Edward. Not that they were best friends before that incident, especially not after I abruptly left after James was trying to kill me, but the Italy incident was Charlie's last straw. Of course he didn't know that Edward spend every night with me, but what he didn't know, couldn't hurt him or me.

"Thanks for the offer, but my truck really needs the exercise," I declined as I put on my white vans that I wore with a pair of blue jeans and a white sweater. "Go do something with Jasper or Emmett," I told as I put my curly brown hair in a ponytail. Edward made a face. "Alice?" I asked. He shook his head. "Help Carlisle at the hospital," I offered as I grabbed my white Michael Kors purse that I "just had to have", according to Alice. He shrugged. "Why don't you spend some time with Esme? She'd like that," I told him and grabbed my car keys from my desk. Edward thought about that for a moment before he nodded his head.

"I think I'll do that," he agreed and smiled my favorite crooked smile.

"Tell her I said 'hi' and that I miss her," I told him as I walked out of my room.

"I will," he agreed. "Of course you could do that yourself if you would only get ungrounded," he said from behind me. I didn't need to see his face to know that he was smirking at me. I was about to say something sarcastic when I missed a step going down the stairs and fell forwards. I would have tumbled down the steps, most likely breaking a bone or two and getting concussion, if it wouldn't have been for Edward's speed and reflexes. "Are you alright?" He asked me worried and gently put me back down on the floor at the bottom of the steps.

"I'm fine," I assured him.

"Are you sure? I could take you to Carlisle," he said. I cringed. It's not that I had anything against Carlisle, I saw him as a second father, but hospitals weren't really my thing, even though I couldn't stay away from them for long periods of time.

"Edward, I'm fine, really. I just missed a step," I assured him. Edward chuckled and shook his head.

"You're going to be the death of me, Bella," he said and bend down to press his lips against mine for a short kiss that had me craving more. "I'll walk you to your car," he said and intwined our hands with each other. "I could follow you to make sure that nothing happens to you," he offered as he opened my car door for me.

"Edward, relax. Nothing's gonna happen to me," I assured him and closed the door. I rolled down my window so Edward and I could continue to talk. I wanted nothing more than to spend the day with Edward, but I needed the money, and of course I could never tell my more than rich boyfriend that. If I would have told him, I would be finding money every where: my truck, my books, under my pillow. The concept of working wasn't foreign to him and I didn't think that he wanted to give me money so I wouldn't work because I was a woman, I only think that he hated me working because I was working for Mike.

"Have you forgotten that you seem to attract bad luck like a magnet?" He asked me with a raided eyebrow. I rolled my eyes. Overprotective as ever.

"I really have to go now," I said before he would be able to give me the whole speech about how I attract bad luck.

A pained expression crossed over Edward's face and for a moment it made me feel guilty. I almost wanted to tell him that I could just skip work, when he quickly changed his facial expression to my favorite crooked smile.

"Be careful, love," he said and leaned in to give me a kiss.

"Have fun with Esme," I wished him and kissed him back.

"I love you," he whispered in my ear and pressed his lips against mine for a too short kiss.

"I love you more," I replied. For a second Edward looked like he was about to argue with me, but luckily he didn't.

"Call me when you get off," he said and gave me another quick kiss before he walked over to his silver Volvo, got in, and drove off.

-.-

I walked around the empty store, making sure everything was in order before I got out my poor excuse for a phone and dialed Edward's number. "Are you alright?" He asked me worried after the first ring. I couldn't help but laugh and roll my eyes.

"I'm fine, Edward. I just wanted to tell you that I'm about to get off work," I told him as I squished the phone between my ear and my shoulder so I could slip my brown jacket on.

"Alright, I'll see you shortly," he said with a smile in his voice.

"How was your day with Esme?" I asked him. I was so tired that I was more than positive that I would fall asleep immediately when I got home and that I would most likely forgot about his whole day with his vampire mother.

"It was very nice. Thank you for the suggestion," he thanked me. I smiled as I grabbed my purse.

"I'm glad you had fun, but I'm about to lock up. So, I'll see you at eleven," I said as I eyed the clock behind the register. It was currently ten-thirty, which was way too late for me to just now get off, but the store was such a mess and so dirty that I couldn't just leave it like that.

"I'll be waiting," he replied. "I love you," he said.

"I love you, too," I replied with a giddy smile on my face and millions of butterflies in my stomach as I walked out of the store and locked up before I hung up and put my phone in my purse and grabbed my keys. I was about to turn around to walk to my car, when I felt someone put their hand over my mouth and wrap their arm around my waist.

"Scream and I'll fucking kill you," a man with a deep voice hissed at me. I could smell alcohol on his breath and felt my stomach churn when I realized what he wanted to do.

"Help!" I screamed without thinking against his hand when he began to pull me behind the store. I felt him let go of my waist and was about to make a run for it when I felt something sharp being pressed against my stomach.

"Did you not fucking hear me, bitch?" He hissed at me and pushed me so hard that I fell to the hard, cold ground and hit my head against the ground in the process. I was shortly dazed, but I knew that I had to get it together. I tried to stand up, but he grabbed my ankle and pulled me towards him. He flipped me around so that I was facing him before he ripped open my jeans and pulled then down to my knees along with my underwear. I was frozen for a second. All I could look at were his eyes. They had no trace of any humanity. Even with the dim light of the street light, I could see that they were as blue as day. Maybe even the bluest eyes I had ever seen. The _coldest_ eyes I had ever seen. James had nothing on this guy.

When I finally snapped out of my trance, he was pulling down my pants.

"Help!" I screamed again as loud as I could and began to hit him and tried to kick him, but he only punched me in the face, causing me to hit my head against the concrete once again.

"Shut up, bitch! I'll fucking kill you if I hear you make one more sound," he growled at me as he began to open his pants and pull them down.

"Please don't do this," I begged him as I began to cry. I felt him punch me again.

"Shut the fuck up, bitch, and let me enjoy this," he growled before he shoved himself inside of me. I screamed, but I was immediately silence by another punch in the face. It hurt so bad. He was moaning and groaning above me as he continued to push himself in and out of me. I felt ashamed. Why did it have to be me? Edward was right, I did attract bad luck. Oh my God, Edward! What would he think of me? I began to cry harder. Where was he? Wouldn't Alice had seen by now what was happening to me? "You would like it more if you would relax," he told me and then groaned again as he pushed himself into me with so much force, I was positive that he would tear me apart. "You feel so good, baby," he groaned and began to thrust into me harder. I began to cry harder. Not only because of the pain, but because I felt ashamed. If I would have let Edward drive me, this would have never happened.

I would have never been raped. We would probably be laughing right now or he would tell me about his day with Esme while I would tell him about my day at work. He would have dropped me off at home and the snuck into my bedroom window when Charlie was asleep. He would be talking about marriage while I would try to talk some sense into him and tell him that I was still too young. Then I would try to bargain with him and tell him that I would only marry him if he would make me a vampire, but as I saw how much the man above of me was enjoying himself as he raped me, I knew that I would never want to be a vampire. I didn't want to remember this forever. I wanted to forget it. I wanted to die.

"Fuck," the man moaned as he began to push himself into me at a much harder and faster speed. I began to cry harder. It hurt so much. "Ah," the man moaned before I felt something wet and hot fill me.

'Oh God! Please no!' I begged silently when I realized that he came inside of me. I wasn't on any birth control. Why should I? I was still a virgin and didn't have to worry about getting pregnant with Edward because he couldn't have children. I gasped when I felt him pull himself out of me. This man, no! This _monster_ had just taken my virginity.

"This was fun," he said grinning as he stood up and pulled up his pants. "If you tell anyone, I will fucking kill you," he threatened and kicked me in my ribs before he took off running. I cried as I pulled up my pants and fished my phone out of my purse. I was about to dial Edward's number, when I felt someone pull me against their body. I knew it was Edward. I felt his cold, hard chest and heard him sob my name, but I couldn't help the scream that escaped me. Edward immediately let go off me and I tried to run away, only as soon as I was on my feet, my legs gave out. I fell to the hard ground crying.

I was in so much pain and I felt so ashamed.

"It's gonna be alright, Bella, I'll take care of you," he promised from beside me as he gently picked me up. I whimpered a quiet apology before everything went black.


	2. Just close your eyes the sun's goig down

I woke up on a hard bed with an annoying beeping sound coming from somewhere beside me that just wouldn't go away. It was a steady beeping that was quickly becoming more annoying by the second. The second thing I realized was the smell. It was awful. It smelled like a mix of way too much and way too many sanitizers mixed together, along with the horrid smell of death. It took me a few second to realize that I was in a hospital. 'T_hat would explain the beeping sound and the smell_,' I thought. I slowly opened my eyes and groaned when I looked directly into a bright light. How long have I been here? What happened? And then it hit me.

The rape. I was raped! A sob slipped passed my lips when my mind involuntarily began to replay the whole rape scene in the finest detail, and the more I fought against the images, the more alive they came.

"Bella?" I heard a familiar female voice ask. Mom? I opened my eyes and saw my mother's tearstained face hovering above mine. Her blue eyes seemed so sad, so heartbroken. I felt guilty for being the cause of this.

"Mommy?" I asked before I started crying.

"Oh, Bella," my mom sobbed and bend down to wrap her arms around me and stroked my hair. I needed this. I needed my mom to wrap her arms around me and assure me that everything would be alright, even though I knew that nothing would ever be alright. I would have to live the memory of being raped for the rest of my life, the rest of eternity IF I become a vampire.

"Renée," I heard a familiar voice say gently. "I have to check over Bella," Carlisle said.

"Of course," she said and pulled away. Her cheeks were stained with fresh tears, her blue eye were red and puffy and filled with fresh tears that were threatening to overflow. "Don't worry, baby, it'll be alright," she said and tried to smile, but her smile gave her away. She was scared, I could see it in her eyes and her poor attempt of a smile, but I could also tell that she was worried, maybe even angry. At me? Of course she was angry at me. I should've tried to run. I should've screamed or kicked and punched that monster until I was free, but I didn't because I was weak. I was just a weak, stupid human girl.

"Bella," Carlisle said my name gently, pulling me out of my thoughts. I looked up at my boyfriend's father and saw the look; _that look._ The _you poor little stupid human_ pity look. I looked over at my mom.

"It's okay, sweetie," she promised with another poor attempt of a smile. She reached over from the uncomfortable hospital chair and took my hand into her cold, wet ones and gave it a re-assuring squeeze.

"Bella," Carlisle said again. I looked up into his golden eyes. He had them shielded, but I could still see the pain in his eyes. That was Carlisle's weakness, that was what was always Carlisle's weakness: he was too human. He's been trying to safe them for so long, that he had started to take on some of their characteristics. He pitied them too much, and now, he pitied me. "How are you feeling?" He asked.

"How am I feeling?" I asked him. How could he even ask that?! "I was raped! How do you think I'm feeling?!" I spat at him. I saw my mother flinch, but I was too angry to worry about her feelings while I had no idea what to make of my life right now!

"I'm sorry," Carlisle apologized quietly. I immediately felt guilty. It wasn't Carlisle's fault. He didn't rape me. He had nothing to do with that. It was all my fault. If only I had let Edward drive me to work, I wouldn't be in this situation. I would not be hurt, I wouldn't have been raped. I would be happy. I would still be me.

Carlisle began to walk towards me to inspect me, but I flinched away from him. My heart rate doubled and my breathing became erratic. My rips hurt with every breath my lungs inhaled, but I couldn't slow my breathing down. I couldn't stop the panic from spreading, nor could I stop the images of the rape from flashing before my eyes.

"Bella!" My mother gasped, sounding worried. She put her hands on me, but I pushed her off me.

"No!" I screamed and sat up in bed, ignoring my protesting rips.

"Nurse!" Carlisle yelled and was at my side in an instant, holding me down.

"No! Let go! Help!" I screamed and tried to fight him off, but it was useless. He was too strong.

"Nurse!" Carlisle yelled, more urgent and with a hint of anger. I have never heard him speak to anyone like that and honestly, it scared me.

"What's going on?" I heard my dad asked with panic in his voice when he entered my room the same time the nurse did.

"We have to sedate her," Carlisle told him while I still tried to fight him off.

"Dad! Help me! Please, Daddy!" I begged him before I felt a small pinch in my shoulder. I stopped fighting against Carlisle and was relieved when he finally got off of me. I felt my eyes grow heavy and looked at my mother who had tears running down her face. I closed my heavy eyes and was out a few seconds later.

-.-

When I came back to, everything was quiet. The only noise there was was the machine beeping. I slowly opened my eyes and looked around. There was no one there. I was alone. I let out a relieved sigh.

"How are you feeling?" I heard Edward ask me quietly from the side of my bed. I let out a startled gasp and then winced when my rips protested. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you," he apologized.

"It's okay," I said quietly and laid back down, but as far away from Edward as the small hospital bed allowed. This didn't go unnoticed by Edward. Hurt flashed in his eyes, but he quickly caught himself and gave me a weak smile. Why did I keep hurting everybody? Why was my body reacting like this? All I wanted was for Edward to hold me and assure me that everything would be alright. What was the matter with me.

"How are you feeling?" He asked me. I shrugged. How _was I _feeling? I was scared and hurt, I also felt guilty and angry, but at the same time I also felt numb. How was I supposed to tell him how I felt, if I didn't even know _what_ I was feeling? So, I simply shrugged my shoulders. Edward gave me a sad smile. "I suppose that was a foolish question," he said. I shrugged again. I wanted to answer him, but I couldn't find my voice. "We're going to get through this, Bella," he promised. I didn't know what to say. I wanted to shrug my shoulders again, but decided against it. I didn't want to anger Edward. I knew that he already hated me for getting raped. Even though he would never admit it out loud, I could see it in his eyes.

"Why do my rips hurt?" I asked him, hoping to change the topic.

"You fractured two rips and bruised another," he informed me.

_'That would explain a lot,_' I thought and then gasped and jumped when I heard my hospital door open, but relaxed a little when I saw that it was only Carlisle. The heart monitor's annoying fast beeping sound slowly began to beep in a slow, steady rhythm.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't mean to scare you," Carlisle apologized. I gave him a ghost of a smile.

"It's okay," I said quietly. "Where are my parents?" I asked him.

"Charlie went to get something to eat, but he should be back any moment. Renée and Phil went back to the Hotel to take a change. I recommended them to rest for a few hours, but I'm pretty sure they won't do that," he informed me. I nodded my head, trying not to show my panic. Why would they leave me? Are they blaming me, too?

'Of course they blame you! It's your fault after all,' I thought to myself.

"Everyone's outside wondering if they can come in," the blonde doctor informed me.

"Everyone?" I asked him.

"Esme and the kids," he clarified.

"Oh," I said and looked down at my hands.

"They wanted to kno-"

"No," I cut him off. I didn't want any visitors. All I wanted was for my parents to come back. I didn't want to see the anger and hatred in the eyes of Edward's family that I have come to think of as my second family.

"Are you su-"

"When's my dad coming back?" I cut him off again, hoping to change the topic.

"He should be back any moment now," he said at the same time as he walked into the room. "And here he is," he said quietly.

"Is she up?" He asked Carlisle quietly without looking at me. He hated me. Be must feel so ashamed to have me as a daughter. Why did I have to have such bad luck? Why couldn't I be a stronger person?

"She is, and she's been asking for you," he informed him and pointed to me. Charlie immediately came to my side.

"Oh, baby. It's so good to see you up," he said, sounding relieved. I felt my bottom lip begin to quiver and my eyes sting and fill with tears.

"I'm sorry, daddy," I apologized before I began crying.

"Baby, no. You have nothing to apologize for," he said and hugged me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled myself closer to my dad. Charlie and I have never had a really good relationship. I mostly only spend the holidays with him when I was still living in Arizona. Even when I moved up here, our relationship didn't change. I cooked for him and he mostly stayed out of my hair. I've always been a dependable person. I had to. Although I loved Renée, she wasn't the best mother. I had learned from a young age to not only take care of myself, but to also take care of my mother, but now I was broken. How was I supposed to take care of everyone if I couldn't even take care of myself? "Bella?" My dad asked quietly. I sniffed a couple more times before I finally pulled away. I wiped my tears away and tried to pull myself together as best as I could. I really was pathetic. "Who did this to you?" He asked me.

"I-I don't know," I said and began to cry again. "I'm sorry! I don't know!" I cried.

"It's okay, love," Edward tried to assure me and reached out to touch me, but I flinched away. Hurt crossed my boyfriends beautiful face that he didn't even try to hide. He wanted me to know how horrible of a person I was for hurting him.

"I'm sorry, Bells, but I have to ask this: do you want to press charges?" He asked me. I didn't know how to respond. What if I pressed charges against him and he came back to get his revenge? What if he hurt my parents or worse? What if he _killed_ them? How was I supposed to live with myself knowing that I was the one who caused my parents to get murdered?

"I don't know," I said quietly.

"Bella," Charlie said in a disapproving tone of voice. He had raised me better than this. I always told myself that if anything would have ever happened to me, that I would press charges, but then again, I never thought that I would ever actually be in a situation like this. I used to never understand how rape victims could just let their rapist get away with what they did, but now I understood it.

"I don't know," I said again and began to cry.

"Why don't we wait until tomorrow?" Carlisle suggested. Charlie let out a long sigh before he finally nodded. "Is that okay with you, Bella?" He asked me. I nodded my head slightly. He gave me a small smile that was supposed to assure me that everything was going to be alright, but nothing was alright. Nothing would _ever_ be alright. "So, the _real_ reason why I came here is not only to see how you're doing, Bella, but to also ask for permission to perform a rape kit," he told me. I looked at Charlie with wide eyes and grabbed his hand.

"It's okay, Bella. Nothing bad is gonna happen to you," he assured me.

"It's perfectly safe, Bella. It's a bit uncomfortable, but it doesn't hurt," he assured me.

"Okay," I said quietly. Relieve washed over Carlisle's face.

"Alright, I'll get the equipment and then everyone must leave the room before we can begin," he said and began to walk away to get the equipment.

"Wait," I called after him.

"Yes?" Carlisle asked and turned around.

"I want a woman to do it," I told him. Carlisle nodded his head.

"Understandable. I'll get Doctor Schwarz to do it," he said and smiled at me.

"Do you want me to stay with you?" Edward asked. I shook my head.

"No," I said and once again felt guilty when hurt and disappointment washed over his handsome face.

"Okay. I'll be outside and give an update to my family," he said and got up. He reached out his hand to touch my cheek, but quickly dropped it when he saw me flinch away. He turned around and quickly walked out of the room.

"Everything will be alright, sweetie," Charlie tried to assure me when Doctor Schwarz, a middle aged tall woman with dark brown hair that was tied back into a high ponytail and dark brown eyes that were rimmed with long, thick lashes, walked into the room with the kit. "I'll be outside waiting and when the doctor is done, I'll be back in here, okay?" He said. I nodded my head. Charlie gave me a sad smile and bend down to kiss my forehead before he walked out of the room.

"Hello, Bella, I'm Doctor Schwarz and I'll be performing the exam on you," she informed me. She sounded friendly. "Ready to begin," she asked me. I took a deep breath, wincing lightly when my rips protested, before I nodded. "Okay, let's begin."


	3. Hush little baby don't you cry

"Okay, Bella, you're all done," Dr. Schwarz said with a kind smile. "You did great," she added as she took off her cloves and got up. "You should get some rest. Doctor Cullen will check on you in a couple of hours when we have our results," she told me.

"It only takes a couple of hours?" I asked her quietly.

"Well, it's complicated," she said honestly. "Some tests take longer than other, but Doctor Cullen will come in to fill you and your parents in about the first test results and then come back when the next test is ready," she informed me.

"Oh," I told her, not knowing what else to say.

"It'll be alright," she told me and gave me a sweet smile.

"Easy for you to say. You weren't the one who was raped," I snapped at her.

"You're right. I wasn't the one who was raped. I have performed numerous amounts of rape kits, but I don't know what you're feeling," she told me. I immediately felt guilty. I didn't want to act the way that I was. I didn't want to snap at people over the things that they said, but I couldn't help it. It was as if I was someone else.

'_You are someone else. You'll never be the same,_' I told myself.

"As I said, you should get some rest," she said and made her way to the door.

"Doctor Schwarz?" I called after her quietly.

"Yes, Bella?" She asked and turned around.

"Could you send in my mom and dad?" I asked her.

"Of course, sweetie," she agreed happily and walked out of my room. A few seconds later my mother and father came into my room. Renée immediately ran over to me and grabbed my hand.

"Oh, Bella," she said and began crying.

"I'm sorry, mom," I apologized as I, too, began to cry.

"How many times do I have to tell you? It's not your fault," she told me as she wiped away my tears. I wanted to argue with her, but I bit down on my tongue as hard as I could, so hard that my eyes filled with more tears. I also wanted to apologize again, but that thought only made me bite down on my tongue harder. "You should rest, sweetheart," my mother suggested. "Unless you would want a few visitors?" She asked.

"Who?" I asked her and released my tongue from the tortures of my teeth.

"The Cullen's. They've been anxious to see you since you woke up," Renée told me.

"I don't wan-" I stopped myself mid-sentence and let my mother's words sink in. "Since I woke up?" I asked her confused.

"You were out for two days before yesterday," she told me.

"Two days?" I mouthed. How was that possible?

"It was Dr. Cullen's choice," Charlie informed me with a tone in his voice that I couldn't quite place. On one side he sounded angry, but at the same time he also sounded grateful, or at least relieved.

"He wanted to make sure that you were alright before you came to," mom told me.

'_I'm not alright, though. I'll never be alright_,' I thought quietly. I wanted to yell at them, but that would only hurt them more than I was already hurting them.

"Should I get the Cullen's?" Mom asked hopeful.

"No," I said immediately. Renée's face fell.

"At least let me get Esme. She's been so worried about you, sweetie. She'd be re-"

"I said no, mom!" I snapped at her. Tears filled my mother's blue eyes and she quickly looked down at her feet. "I'm sorry, mom. I'm just tired," I apologized.

"C'mon, Renée, let's let Bella sleep," Charlie suggested.

"Don't leave!" I gasped. My heart rate speed up, and with that, the annoying heart monitor.

"Of course not, baby! I would never leave you," Charlie assured me and walked over to me to kiss the top of my head. "We'll be here when you wake up, Bella," he promised.

"Okay," I said quietly and closed my eyes, waiting for sleep to take me.

-.-

"Bella," I heard a familiar voice call my name. I looked around, but there was no one there. "Bella?" I heard the same voice call me again. Why did that voice sound so familiar? I spun around and saw two crystal blue eyes staring at me. _His _crystal blue eyes. My rapist's. "Bella," he said and smiled a smile that made my hot blood in my veins turn to ice.

"No!" I screamed at him and tried to run, but I couldn't move.

"Silly, Bella. Did you really think that you could escape me?" He asked before he attacked me. I fell to the cold, hard ground. He tore my clothes off of me before he begun to unbuckle his pants.

"No!" I screamed as he pulled out his erect member.

"Don't be scared, Bella, this will feel good," he laughed before he shoved himself inside of me. I snapped my eyes open and screamed as loud as I could. My parents both jumped up from the two hospital chairs they were sitting on and ran over to me. The hospital door flew open and a worried Carlisle and a protective and scared Edward came running into my room at a speed that could barely pass for a human.

"It's okay, baby, it was just a dream," my mom tried to soothe me and wrapped her skinny arms around me. I immediately broke down crying and held onto my mother as if my live was depending on it.

"We'll protect you, Bella, I promise," my dad assured me as he ran his hand through my tangled hair in an attempt to calm me down; it helped a little. I had almost forgotten that Edward and Carlisle were both in the room until Carlisle cleared his throat. I pulled away from Renée, but I still held onto her hand.

"The tests came back," Carlisle said with a tone in his voice that I couldn't quite place. I looked at Edward for help, but he his featured gave nothing away.

He had a blank look on his face. No, that wasn't right. He was fighting his emotions. I could see him fighting for some sort of control by the way his defined jaw was set. He was biting down on his teeth with such a force, I was almost positive that they would break at any second, but of course they didn't. His pale hands were balled up into tight fists, turning his knuckles whiter than they already were. His eyes, however, were what worried me the most. They were pitch black, and I wasn't sure if it was because he hadn't hunted in a while or because he was angry, I assumed that they were a mix of both. I could see that Edward was fighting to stay strong, but I could also see the fear, anger and murder in his eyes, and frankly, that scared me. He scared me at the moment. The thought that I had done this to him. If I would've let him drive me to work, this would have never happened. No, that's not true. If I wouldn't be such a bad luck magnet this would have never happened. Why did it have to be me? Why couldn't I have done something? Why did I have to be the stupid human that I was?

"What are they?" Charlie asked, his voice shaking a little.

"Well, the good news is that Bella does not have an STD or HIV," he said. Relieved washed over me, but only for a second.

'_He said 'the good news', so there had to be bad news_,' I thought and held onto my mother's hand tighter. Renée looked down at me and gave me a weak smile and a, what was supposed to be, a reassuring hand squeeze before she turned her attention back to Carlisle.

"Is there bad news?" I asked him quietly. Carlisle looked torn for a second and Edward looked like he was about to either punch something or go on a killing spree.

"The tests did say that the person who did this to you ejaculated," he said. I felled numb. I didn't know what to say or feel. I was pretty sure that I was currently in shock. Of course I had known that _monster_ ejaculated in me, I had felt it, but for some reason hearing those words made it so much more worse; so much more real than it already was. I looked up at my parents ashamed and saw tears running down my mother's cheeks. Tears that I had caused. My father wasn't off much better. Although he wasn't crying, I saw tears glistening in his eyes. When would I stop hurting people?! "I'm sorry," he apologized.

"Is she..." Charlie couldn't get the word out.

"We won't know until the test is done, which should be in about an hour," he told me. I looked at him confused. How could he not know? Wouldn't Alice have seen it by now and would have told everyone? Or at least Carlisle, maybe Edward? "Jacob and Billy are outside waiting with the family," he informed us. To anyone else it would have just been a fact, letting a patient know that more people were there to pity him, but I knew why Carlisle had said it. Alice couldn't see the future with a werewolf around, which is why Carlisle didn't know if I was... pregnant.

"Thank you, Dr. Cullen," Renée thanked him and gave him a weak smile before she stroked my hair back with her free hand. Carlisle gave her a sad smile before he nodded his head once.

"I have to go back to making rounds, but I'll be back in an hour," he promised before he gave Edward's shoulder a gentle squeeze before he left the room while Edward remained still as a statue.

"Can I stay?" Edward finally asked. He sounded like he was trying not to cry. I had caused this beautiful creature so much pain and he wanted to stay?

"Okay," I said quietly. It wasn't a yes, and Edward knew that, but it also wasn't a no. The smallest ghost of a smile appeared on his beautiful lips and he slowly walked over to me. He reached for my hand, but I pulled it away without realizing it until I saw the hurt flash in his eyes. "I'm s-"

"You don't have anything to apologize for, love," he assured me and smiled at me, but I could still see the hurt in his eyes. "You should rest before Carlisle gets back with the tests," he suggested, his voice breaking on the word "tests", and I knew why. He was just as worried as I was. What would I do if I was pregnant? Would I be able to keep it? And if I would keep it, could I love it? My heart sped up with the horrifying thoughts that I was drowning in.

"Bella, it's okay, baby. Everything will be okay," my mom assured me and ran a hand through my hair.

"You really should rest, Bells," Charlie agreed. I nodded my head and laid back down on the hard and uncomfortable bed and closes my eyes in hopes that I could escape this nightmare and not have another nightmare.


	4. You just have to get up

I'm alone. I'm alone and it's dark. Not only is it dark, but it's also cold, and quiet. Too quiet. Where am I? Why am I here? "Edward?" I call out, but I don't hear a reply. I turn around and see nothing. All I can see is the darkness. "Edward!" I call again, but this time there's a thick layer of panic in my voice. How did I get here?

"Hi, baby," I hear someone say. I quickly turn around, but see no one. "You're the prettiest baby ever," the voice says again. Why does it sound so familiar? Suddenly, I see a dim light in the distance. Without thinking I take off running. I not only get there faster than Usain Bolt, but I miraculously managed to not trip once. "Smile at the camera," I hear someone say, but I still can't see anything. "Good girl," I hear that voice say again. I jog into the direction of the voice and see an old, wooden door in front of me. I open it with shaking hands and see my parents sitting on the floor at Charlie's old house with a baby in front of them. I took me a few seconds to realize that the baby is me!

"Isabella, can you wave at the camera?" Charlie asks and hold the digital camera closer to my baby self, as if that would make me wave. All I do is stare are the strange device with my big chocolate brown eyes.

"Look who's there, baby," Renée smiles and looks up at me. The real me; not baby me. Baby me turns around and smiled at me.

"Hi?" I manage to say, although it comes out as a question. What am I supposed to say.

"Why don't you love me?" Baby me asks. I stare at myself with big eyes. Did I just talk?! I couldn't be more than 3 months old and I talked?! How was that possible?! "I promise to be good," the baby says, but she suddenly changes. Her small lips become fuller and her brown hair turns a shade of honey blonde. Her straight nose is replaced by a cute little button nose and her eyes lashes grow longer and fuller. "I'm sorry I did this," the baby apologizes.

"Who are you?" I ask it.

"You know who I am, Bella," the baby tells me before it moved its head to the side and smiled at me. "You have to wake up now, Bella. Grandpa's coming," it told me.

"What?" I asked it confused, but it was gone. "Wait!" I call after it and take one step forward, but of course, I trip. "Shoot!" I mutter to myself when I scrape my hand.

"Well, well, well. Who do we have here?" I heard an all to familiar voice say from behind me. I turn around and gasp at who I saw. It was him: my rapist. "Oh, I see that you're already ready for me," he says with lust filled eyes. What? I look down at myself and scream. I'm completely naked! How could I be naked? Where were my clothes. "I am going to enjoy this," he says, and suddenly, he's above me. He gives me a cruel smile before he pushes himself into me.

"No!" I scream so loud that my ears ring, but he doesn't stop. Why won't he stop? He pulls out of me, and then trusts himself back into me, harder this time. I cry out again. Why doesn't anyone hear me? I close my eyes, wanting this to end. Why won't it end?

"Look who's here," he says with another hard thrust. I open my eyes and see a pair of golden eyes staring back at me. Edward!

"Help me!" I scream at him, but he doesn't move. He just keeps staring at me.

"Why would he want to help a whore like you?" My rapists asks as he thrusts himself into me again. "You're nothing but a dirty whore," he says and spits in my face. I cry out again when he thrusts into me again.

"Stop!" I beg him. "Please! Stop!" I scream, and suddenly, I'm awake. My eyes snap open and I sit upright in the hospital bed gasping for air, only the air that my lungs and body need won't come. I can't breathe!

"Bella!" Edward screams panicked. I try harder to breathe, but I can only manage to breathe in a little before my body forces the little air that I had managed out. It was as if some unknown force was mocking me. Giving me a sip of something that I needed the most, only to take it away again as soon as I had it.

"Nurse!" Charlie yelled, his chocolate brown eyes wild with fear.

"Nurse!" My mother screams louder. The door slams open, but I don't have the energy to look who opened it or who walked it.

"She's having a panic attack," I hear Carlisle say, trying to sound calm but I could hear a hint of fear in his smooth voice. "Bella, it's me. Listen to me, everything's going to be alright," he tried to assure me. If I wouldn't have been suffocating I would've laughed in his face, but I couldn't. I couldn't even pull in breath of air into my aching lungs, so how on earth was I going to laugh.

"Can't breathe!" I manage to squeak.

"Help her!" My mother screams at him.

"Carlisle!" Edward roars. Never have I ever heard him talk like that to anyone, especially not the man that he saw as his own father. He never even talked to James like that, or Jacob, or even the Volturi, but then again, he knew the consequences of talking to the Voluturi like that.

"Nurse, I need a..." Carlisle said some medical term that I had never heard before. "Stay calm, Bella, nothing will happen to you. A panic attack cannot harm you in any way. It cannot kill you nor can it suffocate you," he tried to assure me until a nurse with brown hair came running into the room with a shot in her hand. A shot?!

"No!" I manage to croak and suddenly I can't even pull air into my desperate lungs. Before I realize what's happening, I feel a tiny pinch in my shoulder. Several seconds after the pinch, that I was pretty sure was the shot the Nurse brought in, I could feel my heart begin to slow down, along with the highly annoying beeping sound of the heart monitor, and my lungs and body finally got a delicious taste of fresh air. I could hear the sound of my mom and dad talking to Carlisle, but I was too tired to make sense of it. I closed my heavy eyes and fell asleep.

-.-

"...Isn't that good?" I could hear my mother ask someone. The voices sounded distant, and all I wanted to do was sleep, but something wouldn't let me sleep.

"Yes and no," I heard someone reply. Carlisle.

"Don't talk riddles, Carlisle. What's the answer?" I hear my dad snap at him.

"Mh?" I hum and open my tired and heavy eyes.

"Hey, sweetie, how are you feeling?" My mother asked and quickly took my hand into her two shaking ones.

"Wha's matter?" I asked her, my voice still laced with sleep.

"I was informing your parents about the lab results," he informed me.

"Oh," I managed to say and looked to my side, where Edward was staring blankly at his father.

"The tests say that you're not pregnant," he says. Relieve washes over me and I want to cry. I'm not pregnant!

'One less thing that'll remind me of _him_,' I thought relieved. My relieve, however, was once again short lived. I looked at Edward and saw him looking at Carlisle with a mix of confusion and anger. I looked at my parents and saw them staring blankly at him. "That's good, right?" I asked him, confused as to why nobody was sharing my joy

Carlisle hesitated for a millisecond before he answered. "Yes," he says. If I wouldn't have been as close to the Cullen's as I was, Carlisle's hesitation would've flown over my head, but I knew Carlisle. He never hesitated. He always answered any question immediately, after, of course, waiting for a few seconds to not freak out any humans.

"But?" I prompt him.

"It's only been four days," he informs me. I shake my head, signaling that I don't understand why no one's as relieved as I am, or at least was.

"Okay?" I say confused. What was he getting at.

"And our computers determine a pregnancy until about six to ten days," he said, his golden eyes begging me to understand.

"Oh," was all I was able to say. I was frozen. There was a chance that I was actually... pregnant? The thought nauseated me and made my heart rate go up.

"Bella," Charlie said worried.

"I could be pregnant," I whispered and cautiously looked at Edward. He was frozen. He was staring at his father, no doubt having a silent conversation with him.

"There's a chance," Carlisle said, his beautiful face became a face of pity.

_'I could be pregnant with that monsters child,' _I thought, and that thought made me even more nauseous. I leaned over the bed and threw up.


	5. It's time to be a big girl girl now

_'I could be pregnant,'_ I thought for the millionth time. Why was I surprised? I knew how babies were made. I've known since Renée decided to give me the sex talk when I was ten. Charlie has, thankfully, not given me the talk _yet_. I was pretty sure that I would die of embarrassment if that were to ever happen, but, of course, he had nothing to worry about. Edward was very strict about no sex before marriage and I was still a virgin, or at least I _was until_... I shuttered at the horrid memory that was playing over and over again in my brain.

Why was this happening to me? Was this my punishment? My punishment for making the Cullen's risk their life over and over again for me? First with James, and now Victoria _again_? Or maybe it was my punishment for risking the Cullen's life _and_ the wolves. _'That has to be it,'_ I thought to myself. I had hoped that that thought would, somehow, help me cope a little with what had happened to me, but nothing. If anything, it made me feel even worse than before, if that were even possible.

How could I possible be a mother? I was barely an adult! How could I possibly take care of another human being? How could I bring an innocent child into such a cruel world? Would I be able to love that child; to take care of it? Or would I blame it for what had happened to me? Could I abort it, or set it off for adoption?

"Bella?" I heard my mother ask quietly as she poked her head into my room. Renée and Charlie had gone down to the cafeteria to get something to eat after Edward had bugged them non-stop for an hour. Phil had gone back to the hotel a couple hours ago to sleep, which I couldn't blame him for. I could barely sleep in those hard, uncomfortable hotel beds, so for anyone to sleep in those horrible chairs? The hotel was definitely a better choice. I was positive that by sending Charlie and Renée away, was a plan of his to get me alone with him so that we could talk, but luckily that never happened. The only way my parents were willing to leave was if Edward would come with them, and he only left after I told him that I needed some time alone.

"Yeah?" I replied to her quietly and looked up.

"There's someone here who wants to see you," she said.

"Who is it?" I asked her, although I already had an idea: it was either one of the Cullen's, most likely Alice or maybe Esme, or Jacob.

"Angela," she informed me.

_'Angela?_' I thought confused? Angela Weber was one of my few, if not, my only human friend. She was the closest thing that I had to a normal best friend, besides, of course, my mother. "Oh," I said after my mother looked at me expectantly.

"Do you want me to send her in?" She asked. My first instinct was to tell her no, but for some reason, that word got stuck in my throat. I opened my mouth and tried to tell her no, but no words would come out. Finally, I took a deep breath and gave her a single nod.

"Okay," I said, barely above a whisper. I felt my heart begin to beat faster in my chest, and with that, the annoying heart monitor. I set myself a mental reminder to ask Carlisle to take it off.

"Angela," I heart my mother say quietly. I felt my heart begin to beat faster. I was scared. What would she think? What would she _say_? Would she laugh at me and tell me that I deserved this? No, of course not. I felt guilty for even thinking that. Angela was one of the nicest people ever. I don't remember her ever saying anything mean about anyone. Not even Lauren Mallory, who was the biggest bitch in the school. My mom turned to me and gave me a sad smile before she opened the door wider to show me Angela. I immediately sat up and noticed just how tired she looked. Her long black hair was in a messy up-do, she wasn't wearing her glasses, which surprised me because without her glasses she was "legally blind", as she said. Dark rings were under her dark brown eyes and her eyes were swollen and red. She wore an oversized green Forks High School sweater and oversized black sweatpants with a 'WSU' written in white letters along her leg, and a pair of old almost grey colored sneakers. I had never seen her dressed so, well, sloppy. She wasn't necessarily a fashionista, but she always tried to dress nice. I didn't even remember her wearing sweatpants when she had the flu two weeks ago.

"Bella?" Angela asked quietly. I tried to stay strong, but the look of pain in her dark eyes made me start crying. Angela didn't say anything. She simply walked over to me, sat down on the hard bed, and wrapped me up in her arms. I wrapped my arms around her and leaned my head against her chest and just cried.

"I'll leave you two alone," my mom said, her voice breaking at the word 'alone'.

I wasn't sure how long I cried, it felt like hours, it could've been hours, I didn't know, but I finally pulled away from Angela and wiped the tears off my face.

"Here," Angela said as she handed me a tissue. I wiped my tears away and blew my nose before I threw it in the trashcan next to my bed. "How are you holding up?" She asked me as she wiped her own tears away with a white tissue. Her voice was still unstable, but it felt good to hear a voice other than the same five people that were in my room: Renée, Charlie, Phil, although he often went back to the hotel, Edward and Carlisle. Occasionally a nurse would come in to make small talk with me while she changed out my IV, but that quickly stopped when I refused to answer any questions. Honestly, what _could_ you ask a freshly raped person? _"How are you feeling? I know you just got raped not too long ago, but besides that how are you? What do you plan on doing with your life?" _Honestly, why did they even bother? It's not like they actually cared; they were simply doing their job.

"Not too good," I told her honestly. Guilt and regret immediately washed over her face.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to a-"

"I know," I cut her off. Why was she apologizing? _I_ was the one that should apologize. I was the one who was raped. I had been asking for it. I should never have driven to work by myself. I should never have stayed late just to fix a stupid store; I should have never even been there.

"Edward's a mess," she said and then quickly slapped her hands in front of her mouth and looked at me with wide eyes. Sometimes Angela had the same problem as I did: she didn't think before she talked. Part of me wanted to yell at her for making such a statement.

_'Way to make me feel worse,'_ I thought sarcastically and instantly regretted that thought. Angela didn't mean it. It was just a slip, just like I always seemed to slip. "I know," I answered quietly.

"Your mom said that I'm the first visitor, besides Edward, to come into your room?" She asked me.

"You are," I said nodding.

"Why?" She asked me.

"Can we please talk about something else? Please?" I begged her. I'm not sure it I was ready for such a talk yet. I wasn't even sure if I'd _ever_ be ready for _that_ talk.

"Of course!" Angela said immediately as guilt washed over her face. She bit her bottom lips and began to scratch her arm, a habit that she did when she was nervous.

"It's ju-"

"You don't have to explain yourself to me, Bella, I get it," she cut me off. I wanted to tell her that she did _not_ get it. She didn't even _understand_ what I was going through._ No one_ could understand what had happened to me, but instead of saying those things, and most likely making Angela feel worse than she already felt, I shut my mouth and nodded my head. I was too weak, too broken, to give her a small smile. "Well, Mike and Jessica are officially back together," she began. I looked at her confused. Had they broken up? "They got into a pretty big fight a couple days ago. From what Jess told me, Mike wanted to go to UCLA, the same school that Lauren applied to, and Jess wanted him to go to Washington State with her," she explained.

"Oh," I said. I didn't even remember Mike ever talking about UCLA, or any college in general. I knew that Jess always talked about going to college? but only because her parents were forcing her to go, but she hadn't made a decision the last time we talked. _'Have I really missed to much?'_ I asked myself.

"Yeah, and Ben finally bought the new car her wanted," she said, a gooey smile immediately appearing on her face as she talked about her boyfriend. "He said that he almost had to sell an arm and a leg and kidney for the car, but he bought it," she said and laughed a little. "I swear, he shows that car more affection in the week that he's owned it, than he has shown me in nine months," she laughed, but then immediately stopped when she realized that she was laughing and being happy while I was in pain and miserable. That only made me feel worse. I didn't want her to feel as miserable as I felt. I wanted her to feel happy, but a tiny part inside of me was glad that she finally stopped smiling and laughing.

_'Who was she to be happy?'_ A small voice hissed.

"Bella, are you alright?" She asked me worried. It was only then that I realized that I had been staring at her blankly.

"Yeah," I lied. _'No!' I screamed mentally. 'I'm not alright! Do I look alright?! I'll never be alright! I will have to live with the memory that I was raped for the rest of my life! Why would you even ask such a _stupid_ question?!' _I screamed at her in my head. What was wrong with me?! I had _never_ had such angry and hurtful thoughts towards anybody, not even James, the tracker that had almost killed me last year, or Jane, a member of the Volturi who could give another vampire the feeling that they were being burned alive, which she gladly showed me on Edward when I had stopped him from exposing himself im the sunlight in Italy, and with that, killing himself. "Anything else new?" I asked her. Angela thought about it for a second, before her brown eyes widened and she gasped for air.

"Yes!" She hissed. "There's a rumor going around in school that Rachel is pregnant," she told me. As soon as those words left her mouth, I felt as if she wind had been knocked out of me. Pregnant. I had almost forgotten when Carlisle told me that there was a possibility that I was pregnant. I was partially glad that Angela was here, because she was able to keep my mind off of that, but now that she said that dreadful word, the images of me pregnant flooded my mind. "From what Lauren told me, she went to Tyler's party a couple months ago and got drunk and then slept with some Junior, I forgot his name, but I guess she'd been gaining weight around her stomach area, at least from what Lauren told me. I don't have any classes with her, so I don't really know, but Lauren..." I wasn't listening to what Angela was saying. I saw her lips moving, but I couldn't hear any sound. If was as if someone had turned the radio down or muted the whole world. All I could focus on was the possibility of me being pregnant.

I really wished that Jacob would just leave so Alice could see into the future, but no, from what Phil told me, after he had come back from the hotel this morning, Jacob was refusing to leave. Him and Emmett, I assumed from Phil's description of 'giant with all muscle', got into several heated arguments, one almost leading to a fight. Why couldn't Jacob just leave? He's the one who told me that he was done after Edward and I had reunited and had met him in the woods, so why was he here now? _'He probably just feels sorry for you,'_ I thought to myself. I wondered if Jacob knew that there was a possibility that I might be pregnant, or any one the Cullen's for that matter. I knew that Jacob knew and, of course, Edward. I was fairly positive that Esme knew as well and maybe Alice, although with Jacob around I highly doubted it.

"And, as you probably know, none of the Cullen's have been in school since you've... since you've been in here," she said, quickly stopping herself from saying the horrid 'r' word, but I was barely listening to her. My mind was still working overtime with trying to grasp the concept of the possibility of me being pregnant. What would the kids at school think? Would they talk behind my back or say it straight to my face? Would they treat me differently? How would my teachers treat me? Would I even be able to get into a good college?

_'Why am I worrying about this?!'_ I asked myself, while Angela was still talking, but I wasn't listening to her. I never really cared about what people thought of me, especially since I've been dating Edward, so why was I freaking out now? And college?! I never even really wanted to _go_ to college! It was just a cover story for when Carlisle would change me. How would my possible pregnancy interfere with that?! Would I actually have to go to college? How could I go to college _and_ be a mother?_ 'You still don't know if you're pregnant,' I hissed at myself, but before I coul_d stop myself, those dreadful words spilled from my mouth: "I might be pregnant."


	6. Remember those walls I build?

"What?" Angela breathed, stunned. I felt tears well up in my eyes.

"I might be pregnant," I repeated myself, my voice shaky and barely above a whisper.

"Oh, sweetie," Angela breathed and wrapped me up in her arms. I grabbed on to her sweater as if my life depended on it and started crying.

"I ca-can't d-do th-this-s," I said crying. The heart monitor was beginning to speed up, but I ignored it. No matter how annoying the beeping sound was, I had more important things on my mind than to make sure that the stupid heart monitor wouldn't set off an alarm.

"Hey, it's not for sure yet, right?" Angela asked and ran a hand through my tangled hair.

"No," I sobbed and pulled up my nose. It was bad enough that I was already staining Angela's sweater with tears and most likely drool, too, but I didn't need to add snot to the collection of bodily fluids on her sweater.

"So, it might not even happen," she tried to soothe me and began to gently rub my back, just the way Renée used to do when I was younger and had a nightmare. She always calmed me down to rubbing my back and telling me a funny story that happened to her to take my mind of the nightmare. Then afterwards she would take me down to the kitchen where we would make s'mores in the microwave and drink hot cocoa in front of the TV. For some reason, Angela's actions were making me cry harder. I was still so innocent back then. So unaware what would happen to me later in life.

"Bu-but wh-wha-t if-f it's-s true?" I asked her and started crying harder. "I'm not ready to be a mom!" I said loudly, my first semi-clear sentence since I started crying. The heart monitor was going crazy. The door slammed open and Carlisle and a middle aged nurse came rushing into the room. From the corner of my eye I saw a figure standing in the doorway. I turned my head to look and immediately regretted it. Edward was standing there. His usually golden colored eyes were black and the rings under his eyes were a deep purple. His beautiful copper colored hair was a mess on top of his head, probably because he ran his hands through and pulled on it so much. I saw Esme come to stand next to Edward, to pry him away from there, but as soon as she saw me, she gasped. She put her hand over her mouth and then moved it down so that it was resting on her chest, over her heart, as if she had been shot. She looked like she was about to cry, but she was bitting her bottom lip to try and stop herself from doing so. Her eyes, too, were black and she had deep purple rings under her eyes. The nurse looked at what I was looking at and quickly turned around to close the door.

"What happened?" Carlisle asked worried.

"She was crying," Angela said, not wanting to tell him what I was crying about. I think that she didn't want him to know about my possible problem, even though he was the one who told me.

"Did you have a panic attack?" He asked me.

"No," I answered and pulled up my nose and wiped my tears away with my hands. Angela handed me a white tissue so I could blow my nose and wipe my tears away. "Thank you," I thanked her quietly.

"Are you feeling alright?" He asked me and, unconsciously, took a step closer to me. I immediately scooted as far away from him as the bed would allow. The heart monitor began to beep faster again and my breathing began to get faster. "I'm sorry," he apologized and took two steps back.

"It's okay, sweetie," Angela assured me and took my hand in hers to give it a gentle squeeze.

"I'll manage," I answered his question, ignoring his apology. Carlisle gave me a sad smile.

"Of course you will," he said quietly.

"I think Isabella should get some rest," the nurse suggested.

"You're happy to come by tomorrow, but I think that Nurse Alberts is right. Thank you for coming to see her and to talk to her. I think she needed that," he thanked her.

"I don't need anyone," I hissed at him and immediately regretted those words. Hurt washed over Angela's face. She had been nothing but helpful to me. She came to see me, the only real person that I allowed in my room, besides my family and Edward, she heard me blubber about my, potential, life changing problem, and I repay her by saying something like that, knowing that it would hurt her feelings? I deserved what happened to me.

"Angela," Carlisle said quietly and pointed to the door apologetically. Angela nodded her and and got up from the bed. She gave my hand another soft squeeze before she began to walk towards the door, but then she stopped and turned around and walked towards me again. She took my hand in hers again and gave it a firm shake.

"Tell someone," she told me. I looked down at my hand in my lap. I couldn't look her in the eyes; I didn't want to see the disappointment in her eyes. "Tell the police. Get that fucker behind bars." I looked up at her shocked. Never have I ever heard Angela say anything worse than "damn", so to hear her say something like that, truly shocked me. "It doesn't even have to be Charlie. Tell someone else, please," she begged me. I bit down on my bottom lip to stop myself from crying, but it was no use. I felt fresh hot tears rolling down my cheeks and quickly wiped them away.

_'Who would believe me?'_ I thought as a sob escape my lips.

"I'd even stay here for you if you want. Hold your hand. Whatever you need. Just please, tell someone," she begged me. "Please, Bella," she begged me again.

"Angela is right," Carlisle said. I looked at him confused.

"Since when do doctor's give such advice?" I snapped at him.

"It's part of our job," he explained calmly. "We're not supposed to push our patients, but we're supposed to... encourage them to do the right thing," he explained.

"I'll be right here and I'll hold your hand, okay, Bella?" She asked me. I bit my lip. He _did_ threaten to kill me if I told anyone, and at the moment, I really did not want to live. I didn't want to live with these _horrific_ memories of that night until the day I die.

"Okay," I whispered. Relieve washed over Angela's face and, without thinking, she threw her arms around me. I immediately panicked. I pushed her off of me, and with that, accidentally on the floor, and scooted as far away from her as I could. My breathing was hectic and my heart was beating wildly in my chest.

"Bella, it's okay. You're safe," Carlisle assured me and reached out his hand, but didn't walk towards me.

"Everything's okay, Bella. We won't let anything happen to you," the nurse promised.

"Angela, I think it's time for Bella to rest," Carlisle told her quietly.

"No, I have to tell the police," I protested.

"There's time for that tomorrow, but now you really should rest," he recommended.

"Tomorrow I might lose my courage," I protested. Carlisle let out a sad sigh and gave a stiff nod

"Alright, I will bring Charlie in," he said and walked to the door and called Charlie.

"Thank you," Angela thanked me and, cautiously, took my cold hand into her warm one. I gave her a weak smile, but the small smile only lasted until I saw my father walk into the room.

"It's the right thing to do, Bells. I'm proud of you," he said with a small smile, although his eyes told a very different story. They were sad and empty. He was disappointed in me. He was ashamed of me. How could he not be?

"I think Bella would prefer to have a female police officer, Charlie," Angela spoke for me. I gave her hand a light squeeze as a thank you.

"But I'm the sheriff," my dad protested. I gripped Angela's hand tighter. Was he angry? What would he do? Hit me? Disown me? Worse?

"I understand, but I don't think Bella would want you to know everything," my best human friend explained to him. Charlie hung his head and nodded his head. He was too ashamed of me and too disappointed in me to look me in the eyes.

"I'll call his Officer Kinsley. Do you remember her, Bells? Erin Kinsley? She babysat you a couple times when you used to come up here to visit me when you were younger," he told me.

"I remember her," I said quietly and nodded my head. I had always liked Erin. She used to always let me stay up late and had let me eat ice cream for dinner. She could never have kids on her own, although she would have been a great mother.

"Okay, I'll call her in. There shouldn't be too much going on at the station. We're still looking for that Riley Biers kid, but there are more important matters at hand," he said and took my other hand into his. "Everything will be alright, Bells. I promise. Now I'm gonna call Officer Kinsley and then I'll be right back," he promised and walked out of the room.


	7. I wanna sing, I wanna shout

"Is that all, sweetie?" Officer Kinsley asked. I bit my bottom lip and looked down at the hand in my lap, examining how dry it was, and making a mental note that I should use hand lotion. "Bella?" Erin asked. I felt Angela give me right hand a soft, reassuring squeeze.

"Yes," I answered quietly and bit my lip. I noticed how dry and chapped my lips were and attempted to moisturize them with my tongue. I made myself another mental note to use chapstick.

"That's everything?" She asked. I looked up into her blue ice and instantly regretted them. They weren't the same color as my rapist's eyes, but they still reminded me of _him_.

"Yes," I say as a sob escaped my lips. I squeezed my eyes shut, willing the horrifying images to go away. I squeeze Angela's hand so tight, that I was positive that I was hurting her, but a small part of me wanted that; I _wanted_ her to hurt. I wanted her to feel even a tiny fraction of what I felt; what I still _feel_, and that is why I know that I deserved what happened to me.

"It's okay, Bella. It's over! It's all done," she promised and put a reassuring hand on my leg. I gasped loudly and might have even screamed. My eyes flew open and I pulled my legs tightly towards my chest and wrapped both my arms around them.

"What happened?!" Carlisle asked as he ran into the room.

"It's okay. I just startled Bella on accident," Officer Kinsley explained. Carlisle directed his eyes towards me. They were beginning to get darker. They weren't the bright, the inhuman bright, golden color they usually were. They were beginning to get darker, which meant that he hasn't been hunting. If he hadn't been hunting, did that mean that none of the Cullen's have been hunting because of me? When had been the last time either of the Cullen's had hunted? The day I was raped? Prior to that? Had they even hunted since the incident? The more I thought about it, the worse I felt.

"Bella, everything is okay. You are safe here," Carlisle tried to assure me and took a step towards me.

"No," I gasped and moved away from him as far as the small hospital bed allowed. I made the mistake of giving Carlisle a small glance and instantly regretted it. His face fell for half a second before he quickly covered it with his typical doctor's face.

"I think that it's best that we give Bella some rest. She's had a busy today and I believe that rest is exactly what she'll need," he told everyone. Officer Kinsley and Officer Joneson, the woman who drew, or attempted to draw my attacker with the few details I was able to give her. They both gave me a sad smile, but their eyes told me everything that their mouths wouldn't say. Officer Kinsley's blue eyes held pity. She pitied me because I was weak, because I wasn't strong enough to protect myself. Officer Joneson's hazel eyes held pity as well, but they also held anger directed at me. She was angry at how weak I was and still am. She was angry because I did absolutely nothing to defend myself.

I _allowed_ it to happen.

"Bye, Bella. I'll see you soon," Angela promised and gave me a sad smile. I quickly looked down at my dry hands, but I wasn't able to miss the sadness and pity in Angela's dark eyes.

"Would you like me to get your parents or Edward?" Carlisle asked.

"Who's out there?" I asked him.

"I'm sorry?" He asked me.

"Who's out there in the waiting room? Or in front of my room?" I clarified without taking my eyes off of my hands. I noticed how long and brittle my nails had gotten. I also noticed the dark dirt under my nails and began to clean them with my finger nails._ 'I'm dirty,'_ I thought and felt the sudden need to clean myself.

"Your parents and Phil are waiting outside of your room. Esme, Rosalie and Emmett are also out there. Alice and Jasper left because the smell of blood was too strong for Jasper. I suggested to them to feed, but I doubt they will. Alice has been feeling so guilty ever since the... incident happened and I doubt Jasper would leave her alone to tend to his own needs. Jessica Stanley and Mike Newton are also out there. Jacob is also here to see you, although I've tried to persuade him to go home and rest, but he's refused," he told me.

"Oh." Was all I managed to say. I wanted to look up at the oldest and wisest Cullen, but I knew that as soon as I did, I would instantly regret it, so I continued to attempt to clean my fingernails. "Can I shower?" I asked him. I heard Carlisle hesitate and was about to look up, but then he thankfully started talking.

"Why don't you rest first?" He suggested. I nodded my head but I didn't reply. "Well, if that is all, I will let you rest," Carlisle said and I heard him turn around and walk away.

"Carlisle," I said quietly.

"Yes?" He replied and I heard him turn around.

"When can I leave?" I asked him. Carlisle sucked in air loudly, causing me to look up. His lips were in a thin line as if he were thinking about how to answer the question best. His eyes held pity, just like everyone else's. Everyone pitied the poor, stupid little weak human because she wasn't strong enough to defend herself. I immediately averted my eyes back to my hands and noticed little scratches. They looked a couple days old and I assumed that they were from the day that my whole world changed.

"I would like you to stay here at least until all the tests are done," he answered.

_'Until all the tests are done,'_ I repeated to myself in my head. _'Meaning until they can test if I am pregnant with that man's spawn,'_ I felt nauseous on that thought, but I still shook my head. "No. I want to leave today," I told him.

"Bella," Carlisle said and out of the corner of my eye, I saw him take a step closer to me. I immediately tensed up and tried to move further away from him, but I was already the furthest the small bed would allow. Carlisle had stopped in his feet and took three steps back, giving me enough space so I could relax a little bit. "I don't think it would be wise for you to leave today," he told me slowly, as if I were a small child.

"Then tomorrow," I argued. Carlisle let out a deep sigh.

"Why don't you rest and then when you wake up, we can discuss this, but for now-"

"You can't keep me here," I told him and looked up at him. I ignored the pity in his darkening eyes. "I'm 18, a _legal_ adult. You can just keep me here like a prisoner. I want to leave today," I told him. I wanted to look away so bad, but I willed myself not to. I had to make a point.

"Bella, you can't leave today," he told me. I gritted my teeth. I wanted to leave - _needed_ to leave.

"Then tomorrow," I argued. Carlisle let out a sigh. Not an angry or frustrated sigh, not even an exasperated sigh, but a sigh that said that he didn't know how to answer me.

"How about we discuss it with your parents when you wake up?" He suggested. His eyes were pleading with me and I immediately looked away as the guilt was slowly and torturously drowning me.

"Okay," I managed to say.

"I'll send a nurse in to give you something that will help you relax," he told me. I immediately looked up in a panic. "It's Nurse Janet," he informed me. I immediately relaxed.

I liked Nurse Janet. She was always nice to me and her kind grey eyes didn't judge me. Although that may be because she never looked me in the eyes. She was just like everyone else.

"Hello, Bella. How are you feeling?" Nurse Janet asked me as she walked into my room. I looked at her confused and looked around the room.

_'Carlisle must have gotten her,'_ I thought to myself.

"Here you go, sweetie. This will help you relax," she told me as she shot something into my IV. She gave me a kind smile, but wouldn't look me in the eyes. I also noticed that her smile was forced. She _was_ just like everyone else. She judged, just like everyone else did. She knew I deserved it.

Nurse Janet put the protective plastic cap over the needle of the empty shot and put that in her front pocket of her shirt. She gave me a small sideways glance before she walked out of the room, leaving me by myself with my thoughts. Luckily for me, the medicine that Nurse Janet gave to me began to work, and my eyelids began to get heavier and heavier, until it required too much energy to keep my eyes open. I closed my eyes and quickly fell asleep.

-.-

When I woke up after what seemed like hours, I heard people in my room arguing. "You can't let her do that, Carlisle!" I heard Edward hiss at his father. I was shocked. I had never heard Edward talk to that man like that before, at least not before the incident. I felt a wave of guilt come over me. Because of me, the Cullen and Hale family were falling apart.

"She's an adult, Edward. We can't keep her here forever," Carlisle replied calmly.

"But she's not well!" Edward yelled. His yelling scared me. My eyes flew open and a gasp escaped my lips. The two vampires immediately stopped arguing and looked at me. "I'm sorry, love. I didn't mean to wake you," my boyfriend apologized as guilt washed over his handsome face. He walked over to my side, but immediately stopped when I moved away from him. I saw hurt in his dark eyes, before he quickly hid it and gave me a small smile that I could tell was killing him.

"It's okay," I managed to say, barely above a whisper.

"Carlisle, she has to stay here," he told the blonde vampire.

"What's going on here?" Charlie asked as he came into the room holding a cup of coffee. He looked at my boyfriend and his father before he looked at me. "Is Bella alright?" He asked them worried and hurried over to my side.

"She's doing well," Carlisle assured him. My dad let out a sigh of relieve and went in to kiss my head, but he then thought twice about it and opted to pat my hand instead with a small smile. I felt my stomach drop. He was so ashamed of me. "I was just telling her and Edward that she could be ready to go home soon," he explained.

"That's great news," Charlie said smiling, but the smile didn't reach his eyes. He didn't want me, and who could blame him? Who would want their own child who did nothing while she was being raped back in their home? "When can she come home?" He asked.

"I would like for her to stay here for at least another night so we can all keep an eye on her. Tomorrow, if she is well enough, she should be ready to go home," he told him.

"I think that she should stay here," Edward said, talking for the first time since my father had entered the room. "She's obviously not well enough to go home," he tried to convince him. He took several steps towards me. I immediately sat up and moved as far away from him as I could. I could hear my heart pounding loudly and quickly and felt my breathing become faster. "See!" He said and walked back to where he was standing before. I relaxed a little. I felt my heart slow down and my breathing slowly return back to normal. "She's obviously not well. She should stay here so Carlisle can look after her," he said.

"I want to go home," I said quietly.

"You can go home as soon as we get the go," my dad promised me.

"Carlisle!" Edward snapped at his father.

"Edward, it's not your decision," the elder vampire told him, remaining calm as always.

"How about she comes stay with us. We could take care of her. Carlisle would be right there for when anything happens. We can _protect_ her," he argued.

"Edward, I know that you want what's best for Bella, but Dr. Cullen needs to sleep too," Charlie tried to reason. I was surprised by how civil he sounded. It was no secret that Charlie didn't like Edward and he never tried to hide it, especially after the Italy incident. So to hear my father reasoning with Edward and remaining calm while doing so, took me by surprise.

"He doesn't need a lot of sleep," Edward assured him and looked at the blonde vampire to back him up.

"Edward, Bella will be fine," he assured him. "Charlie is a police officer. He can take care of her too," he told him. When Edward didn't say anything, Carlisle gave his adopted son a small smile and gave his shoulder a soft squeeze before he turned back to Charlie. "Bella will stay here another night so that we can keep an eye on her to see if she will be ready to go home tomorrow," he told him. Charlie nodded. I suggest that maybe having her see a therapist would be good for her. It's not healthy for her to keep everything locked away," he suggested. Charlie looked at me to see if I would say anything, but I didn't. I didn't want to say anything that would upset him or even anger him. Instead, I turned my attention to my hands and began to play with my hands.

"I think it would be best for her to first get used to being back home before we do anything else," Charlie told him.

"Of course," Carlisle agreed. "I will give you a list therapists I would recommend tomorrow," he told him before he looked at Edward. They were having a silent discussion. When they were done, Carlisle promised that a nurse would come in soon to bring me my food. I made a disgusted face. Ever since the incident I hadn't wanted to eat. All I wanted to do was sleep in hopes that I would be able to escape the cruel reality, but that wasn't always the case. More often than not, the dreams were worse than the actual event of what happened to me.

"Are you hungry?" Charlie asked me, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"No," I answered immediately. "The food is disgusting and it makes me nauseous," I explained.

"I'll talk to Carlisle to see if he can do anything about that," Edward said and quickly left the room.

_'He wants to be away from me,'_ I thought. _'Can you blame him? Who would want to be in the same room as a coward and a whore like you?' _A small voice in my head snapped at me. I bit my lower lip hard to stop myself from whimpering.

"Your mom and Phil went back to the hotel to change. They should be back soon," Charlie said, trying to make a conversation with me.

"Okay," I said quietly.

"Are you excited to come home?" He asked me.

"I don't know," I answered truthfully. I didn't want to be here, that was for sure, but I also didn't want to go home. I wanted to go away. Far away. I wanted to be away from Forks and all of the memories that I had here.

"I was thinking about getting a dog," he said, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Why?" I asked him and began to play with my hands again.

"For extra protection," he explained. "You like dogs, right?" He asked me.

"I think so," I answered truthfully.

"You think so?" Charlie asked. I didn't look up at him when I responded.

"I don't know. I've never had a pet before," I explained. "But I guess I do," I said after some thinking. Jacob was a wolf, and a wolf was an ancestor of a dog and I liked Jacob, so surely I must like dogs too.

"Do you want a specific dog?" He asked me.

"It doesn't matter to me," I told him, hoping that that was a good answer and that he wouldn't get mad at me.

"How about a German Shepard?" He suggested.

"Sounds good," I answered.

"I'll get one soon," he promised. "It'll be extra protection," he told her.

"Okay," I said. Charlie stopped speaking then. He must've realized that it was useless. We sat in an uncomfortable silence until there was a small knock. I immediately sat up and tried to calm down my heart that was beating faster than it was supposed to. I let out a sigh or relieve when I saw my favorite nurse come in carrying a tray.

"Hey, Bella," Nurse Janet greeted my cheerfully.

"Hi," I replied quietly.

"Dr. Cullen told me that you're not too fond of the food here, so I ask the cooks to cook up something extra special," she said smiling as she sat the tray on a table and rolled it over to me, so that the table was hovering over me. She removed the lid with a "ta-da!" and then smiled at me while I inspected the food.

There was a small cup of fruit in the left hand corner filled with clementines, cherries, grapes, and what looked like pears. On the right hand corner was some, what I assumed to be, vanilla pudding, although it looked utterly disgusting. On the lower right hand corner where orange fries, that I assumed to be sweet potato fries. Opposite of that was a small cup filled with peas, carrots, corn, and beans. In the middle, was a huge pile of lasagna. Everything on the tray looked disgusting and I couldn't help but make a face.

"Is everything alright, dear?" Nurse Janetw asked.

"Yes," I lied quietly.

"You don't have to eat everything, just a couple bites of everything," she encouraged me, misreading my lying to being that I wasn't hungry, which was true, but I even if I _was_ hungry, I wouldn't eat this poor excuse for a meal even if my life depended on it.

"I know," I snapped at her. I felt instant regret. By now she was used to my mood swings that ranged from barely saying anything and feeling pity for myself, to screaming and snapping at everyone and hating everyone. "I'm sorry," I apologized, hoping that I hadn't upset her.

"It's okay, sweetie," she assured me as she poured me a glass of water and sat it down next to the tray. "Enjoy your meal. I'll come back later to collect it," she said as she walked out if the room.

"Aren't you going to eat?" Charlie asked me when five minutes had gone by and I still hadn't made an effort to even touch my plastic fork or spoon.

"I'm not hungry," I told him.

"Just eat a little bit, Bells," he tried to convince me.

"The food looks disgusting," I told him and picked up my plastic spoon and scooped up a load of the sickly looking yellow vanilla pudding. I turned my spoon around and saw that the pudding was dripping down like thick soup.

"They made an effort to make it better for you," he tried to convince me.

"They didn't try hard enough," I snapped at him. _'Where was all thing anger coming from?'_ I wondered confused. I rarely snapped at Charlie. When I did, it was mostly about Edward. _Never_ about something as stupid as food.

"Please," he begged. His brown eyes were glassy and I realized that he was holding back tears. I immediately felt guilty and picked up the plastic fork and began to eat the disgusting lasagna. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Charlie relax and almost smile.


End file.
